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It's Hard Not to Hate You: A Memoir PDF, ePub eBook

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It's Hard Not to Hate You: A Memoir

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It's Hard Not to Hate You: A Memoir PDF, ePub eBook From the author of THIN IS THE NEW HAPPY comes a hilarious new memoir about embracing your Inner Hater. In the midst of a health and career crisis, Valerie uncorks years of pent up rage, and discovers you don't have to be happy to be happy. You don’t have to love everyone else to like yourself. And that your Bitchy Twin might just be your funniest, most valuable and honest From the author of THIN IS THE NEW HAPPY comes a hilarious new memoir about embracing your Inner Hater. In the midst of a health and career crisis, Valerie uncorks years of pent up rage, and discovers you don't have to be happy to be happy. You don’t have to love everyone else to like yourself. And that your Bitchy Twin might just be your funniest, most valuable and honest ally. “The hate in you has got to come out.” After being advised to reduce stress by her doctor, humorist Valerie Frankel realized the biggest source of pressure in her life was maintaining an unflappable easing-going persona. After years of glossing over the negative, Frankel goes on a mission of emotional honesty, vowing to let herself feel and express all the toxic emotions she’d long suppressed or denied: jealousy, rage, greed, envy, impatience, regret. Frankel reveals her personal History of Hate, from mean girls in junior high, selfish boyfriends in her twenties and old professional rivals. Hate stomps through her current life, too, with snobby neighbors, rude cell phone talkers, scary doctors and helicopter moms. Regarding her husband, she asks, “How Do I Hate You? Let Me Count the Ways.” (FYI: There are three.) By the end of her authentic emotional experience, Frankel concludes that toxic emotions are actually good for you. The positive thinkers, aka, The Secret crowd, have it backwards. Trying to ward off negativity was what’d been causing Frankel’s career stagnation, as well as her health and personal problems. With the guidance of celebrity friends like Joan Rivers and psychic Mary T. Browne, Frankel now uses anger, jealousy and impatience as tools to be a better, balanced and deeper person. IT'S HARD NOT TO HATE YOU sends the message that there are no wrong emotions, only wrong ways of dealing with them.

30 review for It's Hard Not to Hate You: A Memoir

  1. 5 out of 5

    Elizabeth

    I received this book as part of a goodreads giveaway and feel compelled to review it since I didn't pay for it. Unfortunately, I don't recommend this book. There are moments of goodness to be found: stories with lessons, the underdog sticking it to the arch enemy, or overcoming personal and professional challenges. But between them are random sidetracked and long-winded thoughts, an unhealthy dose of jealousy and insecurity, raunchy (not funny) interjections and a complete lack of direction. The I received this book as part of a goodreads giveaway and feel compelled to review it since I didn't pay for it. Unfortunately, I don't recommend this book. There are moments of goodness to be found: stories with lessons, the underdog sticking it to the arch enemy, or overcoming personal and professional challenges. But between them are random sidetracked and long-winded thoughts, an unhealthy dose of jealousy and insecurity, raunchy (not funny) interjections and a complete lack of direction. The book is filled with so many "it's hard being a writer and everyone hates what I write" chapters that almost make me feel bad for writing a negative review. As a graphic designer, I can't ignore the cover. It has nothing to do with the book. Why is the girl in a prom/bridesmaids (or just formal, for that matter) dress? Neither of these were themes in the book. And the red background? Very Carrie (though the book is not). When I got to the end (and breathed a sigh of relief), I read that parts of the book started off as magazine articles. That explained the lack of cohesion along with some serious editorial blunders. I'm confused about the errors I found. This book is not ready for print. St. Martin's Press - get it together. p. 123 p3: "dollar twenty thousand worth" - ??? p. 132 p3: "social" should be "socially" p. 140 p1: "psyche" should be "psych" p. 154 point 6: add parenthesis after "word" p. 190 p4: clearly an editorial slip - who is Gigi? I think you mean George...followed by "son" instead of "daughter" (though this does sound like a passive aggressive "slip" by the author) p.214 p1: "worst" should be "worse" p. 219: no period after "money" in quote p. 221: capitalize the "o" in "opportunity" p. 227: first sentence: "feeling" should be "feelings" I don't want to be distracted by errors. I'd imagine there are plenty more to be found if someone wants to actually go looking for them. Seriously, skip this book.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Beth Hannigan

    This was a book club selection that I was excited to read. It sounded like a really funny read but it ended up being a memoir (which I did not realize before reading)and kind of a downer. There were some funny parts but all and all the author was not very exciting and it got old reading her complaints. There was supposed to be a moment when she decided to let speak her mind and let out her true feelings. I really didn't see the transition. She always seemed open to speaking her mind as far I cou This was a book club selection that I was excited to read. It sounded like a really funny read but it ended up being a memoir (which I did not realize before reading)and kind of a downer. There were some funny parts but all and all the author was not very exciting and it got old reading her complaints. There was supposed to be a moment when she decided to let speak her mind and let out her true feelings. I really didn't see the transition. She always seemed open to speaking her mind as far I could could tell. She pretty much bashes authors that are more successful than her, she is jealous of their sucess. I actually figured out who one of the authors that she went on a rant about.If I can figure it out than I'm sure others could too. I felt it was in poor taste to bash a real author in your book. Just my opinion. Wouldn't really recommend this one.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Julie

    While I can't give this a five because there are many more compelling memoirs out there, I really did like this book. For me it was written with honesty and humor, which is probably what a lot of people don't like about it. As modern women we're not even supposed to admit that we are angry, jealous, insecure, confused, and scared let alone make light of those feelings, which is pretty much what Frankel does throughout the whole book. Maybe my own anger helps me relate, but if she had ended the b While I can't give this a five because there are many more compelling memoirs out there, I really did like this book. For me it was written with honesty and humor, which is probably what a lot of people don't like about it. As modern women we're not even supposed to admit that we are angry, jealous, insecure, confused, and scared let alone make light of those feelings, which is pretty much what Frankel does throughout the whole book. Maybe my own anger helps me relate, but if she had ended the book with "And now I'm not mad anymore. Isn't life just a ray of sunshine?" I would have called bullshit on publishing it as memoir because that's just not the way managing anger works.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Stacy

    I received this book as part of a giveaway from goodreads. I have a hard time trying to decide whether I like this book or not. At times I liked what the author had to say and could relate totally to what she was saying. But at other times I just wanted to say, "Just get over it!" For the author this book must have been quite cathartic to write, but there were times she went off on tangents that could have been left out. I honestly did not find any humor in her humor. Trust me, I got the joke - I I received this book as part of a giveaway from goodreads. I have a hard time trying to decide whether I like this book or not. At times I liked what the author had to say and could relate totally to what she was saying. But at other times I just wanted to say, "Just get over it!" For the author this book must have been quite cathartic to write, but there were times she went off on tangents that could have been left out. I honestly did not find any humor in her humor. Trust me, I got the joke - I just didn't think it was funny.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Virginia

    I found Frankel to be funny, endearing, and wanted to be her friend. I loved her voice and found her observations spot-on, acerbic, and real. Good fun!

  6. 5 out of 5

    Nicole Frail

    I'm not going to say that It's Hard Not to Hate You by Valerie Frankel changed my life--but it certainly made me think. Like Frankel, I've felt down about the number of friends I have, my physical fitness/health, and my future success in a challenging industry. I've been jealous and angry and unhappy and my insecurities have gotten the best of many of my past friendships and relationships. While reading this book, I was surprised by how well I related to the author--I no longer feel foolish or c I'm not going to say that It's Hard Not to Hate You by Valerie Frankel changed my life--but it certainly made me think. Like Frankel, I've felt down about the number of friends I have, my physical fitness/health, and my future success in a challenging industry. I've been jealous and angry and unhappy and my insecurities have gotten the best of many of my past friendships and relationships. While reading this book, I was surprised by how well I related to the author--I no longer feel foolish or concerned about the things I've always "hated" or the negative emotions I've felt over (seemingly) menial events. Frankel reminded me that it's healthy--and almost necessary--to express these emotions as I feel them, rather than bottle them up until I can't take it anymore. Sure, there are right and wrong ways to go about doing this, and she definitely provided me with a few tips that I'm sure will be helpful in the future. From Frankel, I learned that my need to feel appreciated, loved, wanted, and respected isn't silly or desperate--it's human nature to want these things and to make it known that you want them. I also need to mention how entertaining this read was. Though Frankel focused on very serious topics at times (cancer, romantic relationships, self confidence, self doubt, parent-child relations, the death of a spouse), she found a way to add humor to them and I applaud that. I feel like I learned a lot about myself through this book. It's possible that I was always aware of these feelings, but could never find the words I needed to express them. Frankel had them, though, and through her, I've further developed a bit of my own self identity. I feel like I learned a few good lessons while reading, and I feel even better that I was able to laugh along the way.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Courtney Stirrat

    Dear Val, I'm going to be straight with you. I bought your book because it was on sale at Half-Priced books (my inner indie book girl says with much shame) and because I liked the title. I've been traveling non-stop lately, and a snarky memoir seemed the perfect thing for when I was too tired to work any more, so I chucked you into my roller bag. What I discovered, as you so aptly describe in your last chapter, was a validation of living in 3D emotions. It wasn't so much a memoir about hate (alt Dear Val, I'm going to be straight with you. I bought your book because it was on sale at Half-Priced books (my inner indie book girl says with much shame) and because I liked the title. I've been traveling non-stop lately, and a snarky memoir seemed the perfect thing for when I was too tired to work any more, so I chucked you into my roller bag. What I discovered, as you so aptly describe in your last chapter, was a validation of living in 3D emotions. It wasn't so much a memoir about hate (although I will be saying "its hard not to hate you" for months), but a story about a woman both coming to terms with her own mortality while finding ways to balance self-empowerment and overt b!tchdom. Let me just say I think you are a wildly under-rated novelist. While I love the show Sex & the City, your treatment of "Smart vs. Pretty" is a stand-out for me. Keep writing. I suspect I will be ordering a second copy of your book (from my local indie bookstore Left Bank to properly atone) and placing it in many hands). Perhaps your books are like your discussion of friends. Kinsella and Bushnell come and then make it into the "to sell pile" (how I ended up in the Half-Priced joint in the first place). Yours stay. They are lifers. And for a memoirist, who likes to think she is funny and loves to read, this was a particular treat. You finding your emotional intelligence and depth was a validation of my own. Thank you for this hidden gem. And for making this fat jewish girl giggle and laugh and tear up. xoxo --CCS PS: I'm kind of in love with Howie.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Aayla

    If we could give half-star ratings on this site, I would give 3.5 instead of 4. As it is, it'll have to stay at 3. Overall, I truly enjoyed this book. The best part about Frankel's voice (as you can probably tell from the title) is that this story is all about being honest with yourself and saying the things that you're really thinking (and let's face it, we're all thinking it as well). I loved that she comes out and says what we all want to say and lets consequence lie where it must. If I had ha If we could give half-star ratings on this site, I would give 3.5 instead of 4. As it is, it'll have to stay at 3. Overall, I truly enjoyed this book. The best part about Frankel's voice (as you can probably tell from the title) is that this story is all about being honest with yourself and saying the things that you're really thinking (and let's face it, we're all thinking it as well). I loved that she comes out and says what we all want to say and lets consequence lie where it must. If I had half the guts, I'd start doing the same thing right away. For a pseudo-memoir of sorts, this book has a great balance between humor (think: unrestrained jealousy, irritation, hatred, and petty moments) and insight (I actually stopped to think about my own personality quite often while reading this). The one thing that I didn't like was the unclear message throughout. She talks about embracing your rage, but then she visits a Zen Buddhism center, tries a week without complaining, and learns to stifle her outbursts and let grudges dissolve. She had a nice conclusion, but sometimes it was difficult to tell what practices she was actually condoning. I would probably recommend this to someone else, if asked; not wholeheartedly as my favorite book of all time, but as one that has a few good bits of wisdom.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Amanda

    This was just a unique and interesting find at the library. I once in a while will stroll over to the memoir section and in this instance happened to find a really funny title. So I pick it up to check it out. It was comical and at times I did literally laugh out loud. I could relate once in a while to some of the instances the author referred to, but like her what can you really do about it. I'd like to take one example though and apply it to my own personal life. For instance she describes a l This was just a unique and interesting find at the library. I once in a while will stroll over to the memoir section and in this instance happened to find a really funny title. So I pick it up to check it out. It was comical and at times I did literally laugh out loud. I could relate once in a while to some of the instances the author referred to, but like her what can you really do about it. I'd like to take one example though and apply it to my own personal life. For instance she describes a lunch with a friend in which the friend kept checking her phone for messages and such, which I have happen to me on a regular basis when I go out with one particular friend. Like the author I find this to be very rude and insulting. I'd like to say to said friend, "How about next time I bring a book along to read so we can both be entertained if the other is so boring?" I mean really. Put your darn phone away and interact with the person you went to lunch with for crying out loud. It is common courtesy after all. I'm not sure I'd really recommend the book to anyone since I don't really know someone who would be interested, but maybe readers of Chelsea Handler would find humor here as well.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Torina

    I won this in a Goodreads First Reads giveaway as an Advance Reader Copy. I really enjoyed the author's sense of humor and writing style. This is not the type of book that I normally read so it was a nice departure for me. However, I was turned off about 3/4 of the way through the book by the constant snarking at other people. Granted, this book IS called It's Hard Not to Hate You so I suppose snarking is a given but I simply got tired of it, especially the chapter about kids and parenting. It is I won this in a Goodreads First Reads giveaway as an Advance Reader Copy. I really enjoyed the author's sense of humor and writing style. This is not the type of book that I normally read so it was a nice departure for me. However, I was turned off about 3/4 of the way through the book by the constant snarking at other people. Granted, this book IS called It's Hard Not to Hate You so I suppose snarking is a given but I simply got tired of it, especially the chapter about kids and parenting. It is a pet peeve of mine, as a parent of children with special needs, when women are compelled to judge children and other mothers. The feminist and disability advocate in me cries out in revolt, "NO! Let's band together! Not beat each other up!" So there was that. I would have probably given this book a higher rating had that chapter not existed.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Peebee

    I didn't realize this was a memoir until about halfway in. Seriously. It's written in really small print on the cover, the picture looks like your typical chick-lit cover, and I found it hard to believe that someone was walking around being that angry all the time, nursing all these slights from kids in junior high, snooty neighbors, and other authors. She gets upset that her husband (who sounds like a saint, BTW) checks out once in a while for a drink at the neighborhood bar. She gets upset tha I didn't realize this was a memoir until about halfway in. Seriously. It's written in really small print on the cover, the picture looks like your typical chick-lit cover, and I found it hard to believe that someone was walking around being that angry all the time, nursing all these slights from kids in junior high, snooty neighbors, and other authors. She gets upset that her husband (who sounds like a saint, BTW) checks out once in a while for a drink at the neighborhood bar. She gets upset that she has to wait in line, and occasionally some minimum wage service workers aren't as efficient at their jobs as they should be. She wonders why she has very few friends, although reading this, I know it would drive me crazy to be friends with someone like her. Perhaps it was therapeutic for her to write this book, but it was not for me to read it.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Stef

    I'm so excited that I completed this book! My second book for the Goodreads 2016 Reading Challenge! Perhaps more review to come, but for now I will say that I. LOVE. THIS. BOOK! So refreshingly honest, hilarious, well written, and engaging! It has inspired me to read and write more memoirs! I enjoyed how it intertwined and how she told her story. I love how each chapter focused on a different aspect of her life helping her to evolve. :)

  13. 4 out of 5

    Regina

    This book was touted to be "hilarious." It wasn't. I think the author thinks that she is funnier than she actually is. In many cases, it came off as quite sad. However, there were plenty of things in it that I agreed wholeheartedly with. The best chapter in the entire book, "I hate your kids" almost made up for the rest. I found myself screaming "AMEN" through the whole thing. I just think there's a difference between making obvious observations and being funny about it.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Erin Brandenburg

    This was a good book. I liked how the author was honest with her feelings and lived up to the title of the book. However, I think the author was long winded in a lot fo the subjects and could have made her point or expressed her feelings and thoughts in a much shorter paragraph. Some of the subjects lasted too long and I found myself skimming to the end a couple times. Overall, funny, honest, and a relatable book.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Sue

    I really thought I'd be able to relate to this book based on the description. I thought this author and I would be soul sisters. Turns out I'm not as angry as I thought I was. She's witty, and I definitely found some common ground, but not a majority. What I liked most was her honesty and will most likely pick up one or two of her other books just to check out what else she has to offer.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Laura

    Didn't like this much at all. Frankel just bitches and whines her way through the book - and not in a funny Chelsea Handler or Jenn Lancaster way, but an obnoxious self-centered way. Yuck. Won't be reading more of her books.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Kelly

    I was lucky enough to win this good, during a "first reads" contest on here. The cover & title alone had me truth be told. I honestly think there is something, in this book at each of us can relate to. I highly recommend giving this a read through.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Hollowspine

    A funny quick read. At the start of the book Valerie Frankel receives some bad news from her doctor, and tells her that one of the things she must do to keep a clean bill of health is reduce the stress in her life, get rid of the anger that festers inside her and release the hatred she carries around bottled up inside. Although she does name a couple studies in the memoir this was mainly based on her own experiences and feelings. I would have loved to hear more about the various trials/case studi A funny quick read. At the start of the book Valerie Frankel receives some bad news from her doctor, and tells her that one of the things she must do to keep a clean bill of health is reduce the stress in her life, get rid of the anger that festers inside her and release the hatred she carries around bottled up inside. Although she does name a couple studies in the memoir this was mainly based on her own experiences and feelings. I would have loved to hear more about the various trials/case studies that she mentioned, but I also appreciated the fact that this wasn't a book of essays or a research focused work, but instead focused on humor and the reality of her life, growing up with a mother prone to fits of temper, which she realizes that she takes on herself, her freelance writer existence living check to check, kids' illnesses, and career setbacks. It was fun to get a little insight into a family, which in some ways, reminded me a bit of my own. I loved that her mother's bad moods lead to her getting the nickname "Judy Black" and laughed a bit when Frankel likened expressing her hatred as, "releasing the Kraken." I laughed out loud a couple times while I read, so I guess I must have lowbrow humor just as Frankel assumes she must when reviewers call her books, 'crass.' One of the things I took away from the book is how true it is that if one wants to be a writer a thick skin, basically bullet proof, is necessary. Lucky for her readers Frankel does. It was awesome to read about how Frankel changed her reactions from internalizing frustration and anger then taking it home and flipping out at her husband at 3 am, to being able to step forward and say, "I will ask you to please get our drinks now." To the waitress who made her and her husband wait 20 minutes to fill their drink order. I also sympathized with her as a fellow internalizing person, the type of person who would just eat the wrong order rather than complain that I asked for the vegetarian option and instead got a plate full of meat. Or would just keep the tennis skirt I was given as a gift, even though anyone who knew me would know that not only do I not play tennis, but more importantly, do not wear skirts. Though I am getting better: (view spoiler)[I had a break-through on vacation when I realized I was about to be over-charged for underwhelming tourist trap food and instead of just shutting up, eating the canned and heated crap I was about to be served at $50 bucks a person, I stood up, and not only cancelled our reservations, but also demanded a refund for the cost of entering the tourist trap and paying for parking at the tourist trap. Which I got. Then I went to another place, had an amazing meal, in a beautiful and historic location and though it was still expensive, felt like every penny I paid was worth the experience. In my family we all still speak of this moment in awe. (hide spoiler)] For those who are looking for a funny, upbeat book that deals with tough life events, death, career setbacks, and cancer among others and deals with them in a way that should be familiar to those of us with inner haters.

  19. 4 out of 5

    HeavyReader

    When I requested this book via Bookmooch, I'd never heard of it before, but the premise was intriguing: a woman strives for health and happiness by letting it all hang out. The author, chick lit writer Valerie Frankel, gets some bad news about her health and is told by her doctor that her pent-up anger is not helping matters. Upon medical advice, Frankel undertakes a year-long quest to let go of her hidden rage. In the style of a women's magazine (several of which she's written for during her prof When I requested this book via Bookmooch, I'd never heard of it before, but the premise was intriguing: a woman strives for health and happiness by letting it all hang out. The author, chick lit writer Valerie Frankel, gets some bad news about her health and is told by her doctor that her pent-up anger is not helping matters. Upon medical advice, Frankel undertakes a year-long quest to let go of her hidden rage. In the style of a women's magazine (several of which she's written for during her professional life) confessional, Frankel mingles her own personal experience with professional input. Granted, the book is heavier on her personal experience, but there's enough professional advice (from a psychic, from the author of a book about eliminating complaining, from long-time meditators, from a variety of mental and physical health care providers) to give the ideas presented in this book credibility. Frankels' tone is casual and chatty. Some of the sentences aren't quite sentences. (Casual and chatty fragments, anyone?) At first I thought this writing style was going to annoy me, but I ended up being charmed by it. In this book, Frankel tells her story the way I imagine she'd tell it to a friend over coffee. At first I feared this was going to be one of those books by a spoiled, rich, successful person who wants the reader to feel sorry for her because her life is so hard. (Not!) But Frankel is upfront with all the things that keep her angry and stressed out. She grew up with a demeaning, demanding hot mess of a mother. She suffered through junior high bullying. Her first husband died young of cancer, leaving her the single parent of a toddler and an infant. One of her kids has health problems that lead to early surgery. The same kid is later diagnosed with ADHD. And while several of Frankel's books have been published and her family depends on the money she earns from her writing, she's not a wildly successful, rich author. She's getting by, but she's not Danielle Steel. And then there are her health problems. This whole exploration of hate started after her first colonoscopy. Her father's side of the family tree is blighted with cancer and Frankel is forced to deal with her own health issues. So when Frankel says, "Poor me," she's got some cred. But this is not a "poor me" sort of book. It's about anger, remember? More accurately, it's about suppressed anger and how the author learns to let it all (or at least some of it) go. My favorite chapter is about other people's children and how parents aren't doing their kids any favors by letting them be selfish, rude, annoying brats. I'd like to give this book 3 and 1/2 stars, but since that's impossible, I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and bump it up to four.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Ilona

    I was over half through the book before I realized this was a memoir. The tiny red dot on the cover with "A Memoir" on it? I honestly thought it was a sticker the library had put on the book for sorting or shelving reasons! The fact that it's a memoir probably goes a long way to explaining why the 'plot' wasn't more obvious: Your life only has a discernible plot if you've done a whole lot of editing, and possibly outright lying. Faced with a dramatic health crisis, Frankel decides to 'unleash her I was over half through the book before I realized this was a memoir. The tiny red dot on the cover with "A Memoir" on it? I honestly thought it was a sticker the library had put on the book for sorting or shelving reasons! The fact that it's a memoir probably goes a long way to explaining why the 'plot' wasn't more obvious: Your life only has a discernible plot if you've done a whole lot of editing, and possibly outright lying. Faced with a dramatic health crisis, Frankel decides to 'unleash her inner hater'. This does not mean, as I originally feared, that she was going to run around adding hatefulness to the world. In fact, 'hate' often seemed the wrong word for what she was describing. 'Uncertainty', 'self-loathing', 'fear of failure' ... all those were included under the banner of 'hate'. Those made more sense than her inclusion of justifiable anger and statements of unflattering fact. It is not 'releasing your inner hater' to let a server know that you've been waiting 20 minutes and would like your drinks now, please. Nor is double-parking beside the woman who is talking on the phone in her car, who is fully aware you've been waiting for five minutes to unpack your groceries. That's called 'self-assertion', and only someone who'd spent decades denying herself the right to assert anything much at all would call it 'hating'. The chapter on jealousy was lost on me, and didn't, I think, reflect well on Frankel. However, I do not often struggle with jealousy. Frankel does. She was honest about herself, and her response -- to admit freely admit to the feeling and let it go, rather than seethe in it endlessly -- is healthy, so kudos to her. I'm sure I have failings that she doesn't which make me look bad by comparison. Everyone's different. The book made me laugh in a few spots, but I wouldn't call it 'hilarious'. It dragged from time to time. The chapter on children, though I agreed with pretty nearly every sentiment expressed, I found to be just a litany of harshly-expressed complaints. Boring. But all in all, though not what I was expecting when I started, it was a great book which I enjoyed reading. I'd have given it an extra half-star if the template allowed for it.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Kelly

    Valerie Frankel writes what we are all thinking but don't usually have the guts to do anything about. Which is...What the &@*% are some people thinking? From parents who are "besties" with their children, to business contacts who seem to fall off the face of the earth, to semiconscious religious bias, Frankel discuss it all. It's Hard Not to Hate You is Frankel delving into the question so many of us want to know...Where did common courtesy go? The premise is simple. Frankel was told by her d Valerie Frankel writes what we are all thinking but don't usually have the guts to do anything about. Which is...What the &@*% are some people thinking? From parents who are "besties" with their children, to business contacts who seem to fall off the face of the earth, to semiconscious religious bias, Frankel discuss it all. It's Hard Not to Hate You is Frankel delving into the question so many of us want to know...Where did common courtesy go? The premise is simple. Frankel was told by her doctor that she needed to reduce stress. She very soon realized that much of her stress is due to bottling up her emotions into her "easygoing" style. After dealing with rude person after rude person, she finally decides she has had enough. She begins to handle things in a way that is not rude herself, but that shows the other person that she means business. For example, have you ever been at the gym and a person uses the treadmill next to her as a "coat and towel rack"? Well, Frankel has. Rather than seethe silently as she would have done in the past, she offers to move her stuff for her. Frankel also takes great aim at so-called "helicopter parents". This popularity parenting style is illustrated in the story of the English teacher who busted a child for plagiarism. The child's mother accused the teacher of having a vendetta against her son. I have seen this helicopter parenting in action, and it is not pretty. Children grow up knowing that there will never be consequences, and if there are, mommy or daddy will get them out of it. This memoir is not just about laughs, as Frankel has faced death in her family. The ease with which she mixes the two makes for a nice read. You will find herself smiling in a "knowing way" but then ask yourself, "Wait a minute. Do I do any of this?" MY RATING - 4 See this review on www.1776books.net... http://1776books.blogspot.com/2011/11...

  22. 4 out of 5

    Georgia

    I received this book as a gift and was interested to read about how a woman came to terms with hate and anger as these are often emotions that are not received well when coming from a female. While reading, I had moments where I completely related to the author especially when she discussed dating in her twenties, her struggle with weight and self image, and the absurdness of some people's parenting styles. Those were the shining moments of this book and I enjoyed those chapters. The author star I received this book as a gift and was interested to read about how a woman came to terms with hate and anger as these are often emotions that are not received well when coming from a female. While reading, I had moments where I completely related to the author especially when she discussed dating in her twenties, her struggle with weight and self image, and the absurdness of some people's parenting styles. Those were the shining moments of this book and I enjoyed those chapters. The author started to lose me when she went on longwinded rants about how people had done her wrong or annoyed her. The author laments about having no close friends but then provides specific examples of how she’d cut people and friendships off for what most would consider minor offenses. She seethes with jealousy and rage over anyone else’s success as opposed to being happy for others and added people to her list of enemies if they didn't return her phone call or say hi to her on the sidewalk or give her a blurb for her upcoming book. She took everything so personally that it came off as narcissistic and there was very little self reflection. I found myself thinking "If you haven’t made the best seller list, perhaps you should tweak your writing a bit instead of continuing to think all of your jokes and stories are hilarious. If you have very few close friends, maybe you should look inward and work on yourself so you can be a better friend and actually be someone that people enjoy being around." In the end, she mellowed out a little, but it was hard to root for someone with such a bad attitude.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Suzanne

    A tale about a woman who holds in her hate, until she decides it's doing more harm than good. She decides that letting it out isn't the worst thing in the world, it just needs to be tempered, a little...and she needs to be okay with not always being so nice. She's got a drawer of names, filled with all the people who've wronged her, some of the stories are so relatable. In Junior High she gains weight over the summer and is shunned by her still-skinny friends. Her quest to find a new compatriot i A tale about a woman who holds in her hate, until she decides it's doing more harm than good. She decides that letting it out isn't the worst thing in the world, it just needs to be tempered, a little...and she needs to be okay with not always being so nice. She's got a drawer of names, filled with all the people who've wronged her, some of the stories are so relatable. In Junior High she gains weight over the summer and is shunned by her still-skinny friends. Her quest to find a new compatriot is giggly funny, can be understood by anybody who wasn't popular in school, and is a poignant reminder of what kids who don't fit the mold go through in those angst-filled teenage years. The adults she encounters later in life are no different than her teenage tormentors, they're only better at it because they've had more practice. If you can't equate a character in her story to someone you've known in the past 5 years, consider yourself lucky. My biggest take-away from this book is that, "It's not personal." Your dinner isn't brought to the table after too long a wait just to spite you. The kid next door, with the blaring music, isn't doing it to irritate you, he's just a kid that's living the same way you did at that age. Some people are just introverts, or snobs, or bad communicators, they're not aiming it at you, it's just how they are. I gave it only 3 stars because I was hoping for funnier.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Jennifer

    Totally related to many of the authors feelings and situations, especially the difficulty of making and/or maintaining meaningful female relationships. Appreciated the different approach - not the same one as the positive thinkers for a change. Telling her younger self that she should've felt less was wrong, she should have felt more. That she should speak up when she felt righteously pissed off. This is something we (girls, especially) are often told is wrong. Instead, we should smile and put o Totally related to many of the authors feelings and situations, especially the difficulty of making and/or maintaining meaningful female relationships. Appreciated the different approach - not the same one as the positive thinkers for a change. Telling her younger self that she should've felt less was wrong, she should have felt more. That she should speak up when she felt righteously pissed off. This is something we (girls, especially) are often told is wrong. Instead, we should smile and put on a brave face, suck it up. We are afraid to show anger because we don't want to look bad in front of people we should care less about, if at all. Also, her first story about getting ditched by her two friends between sixth grade and seventh grade really rang true for me. How mean girls can be! Finally, even though I knew it to be true in theory, it was nice to see printed: You can't be happy all the time, no matter how fortunate you might be. And sometimes you have good reason to be unhappy. Having negative thoughts isn't something to feel guilt about. It's facing the facts of your situation. Also, But the truth is, it's hard to be happy! Be emotionally authentic. Close the gap between who you think you should be and who you really are. Even if you don't have positive thoughts, you can take action. Use your negative emotions. Thank you!

  25. 4 out of 5

    A. S.

    “It’s hard not to hate you” is Valerie Frankel’s humorous memoir about her life, using one universal themes: hatred for mundane situations, things, and people—and the way to cope with it. This is not your typical chronological memoir, but rather a collection of stories adhering to the universal theme of this book. The author gets you to laugh with her, to cry with her, and to see yourself in similar situations. I found the memoir to be both humorous and sentimental. Frankel describes being an o “It’s hard not to hate you” is Valerie Frankel’s humorous memoir about her life, using one universal themes: hatred for mundane situations, things, and people—and the way to cope with it. This is not your typical chronological memoir, but rather a collection of stories adhering to the universal theme of this book. The author gets you to laugh with her, to cry with her, and to see yourself in similar situations. I found the memoir to be both humorous and sentimental. Frankel describes being an outcast in high school, going through various fake friends (the druggie, two hippies, the narcissist, and two turncoats who stopped being the author’s friends when she gained a few pounds), dating the wrong boyfriends (one is an intellectual, snobby type; another is a man-child with a coarse way of behaving), losing her first husband, coping with bitchy acquaintances, raising her two daughters while navigating the landscape of BFF parenting, coping with a negative body image, and much more. Despite the personal content, the writing is not self-conscious and words are free-flowing. Frankel doesn’t mind embarrassing herself, and even tries following one book’s advice to live in harmony (she quickly quits, realizing that venting and complaining makes one emotionally healthier). This was a quirky and entertaining little read.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Megan

    Valerie Frankel is funny. And that can be hard to do with just words on a page, without inflection and facial expressions or gestures. I mean, I could watch Chelsea Lately all day long, but I'm not sure her book got one laugh out of me. And boy do I love Tina Fey, but there were times when I thought, listening to Bossypants on audiobook, "I'm not sure if that joke would have come off the same way if I'd just seen it in text." Frankel is honest, wry, and bold in ways I sometimes want to be but ca Valerie Frankel is funny. And that can be hard to do with just words on a page, without inflection and facial expressions or gestures. I mean, I could watch Chelsea Lately all day long, but I'm not sure her book got one laugh out of me. And boy do I love Tina Fey, but there were times when I thought, listening to Bossypants on audiobook, "I'm not sure if that joke would have come off the same way if I'd just seen it in text." Frankel is honest, wry, and bold in ways I sometimes want to be but can't force myself to do. She's self-deprecating and capable of looking into herself and trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with her. I admire that. Not all of us can do it. Not all of us would even try. She's also got some good lessons about forgiveness in her (forgiving herself and others) and touching moments between her and her family, even though she's not usually one for sentimentality. I think it sought out what it was supposed to do: I was curious about her life and I cared about it, and it made me laugh. I don't think any happy-go-lucky people might see in it what I see, but I'm a complainer. I whine and bitch and moan over all the little things, so I understood it perfectly. It's probably not something I would've picked up if it hadn't been for my book club, but I'm glad I read it.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Lisa Eskra

    Before I selected this book, I'd never heard of Valerie Frankel. I don't read chick-lit so I was wary but decided to give it a chance. Something about the title. I've definitely been there. The book was not what I expected at all. I thought it would be some frou-frou tongue-in-cheek faux "memoir"...and while it's sort-of written like one, it teaches some great lessons along the way about friends, love, and success. It's a humorous quest of self-realization that I really identified with, especiall Before I selected this book, I'd never heard of Valerie Frankel. I don't read chick-lit so I was wary but decided to give it a chance. Something about the title. I've definitely been there. The book was not what I expected at all. I thought it would be some frou-frou tongue-in-cheek faux "memoir"...and while it's sort-of written like one, it teaches some great lessons along the way about friends, love, and success. It's a humorous quest of self-realization that I really identified with, especially in handling that pesky inner hater. Her voice is absolutely wonderful, a joy to read. It comes off less like a dull, garden-variety memoir and more like a quirky chick-lit novel. It's a fun ride too. I absolutely loved it. I think Valerie Frankel sums the book up best: "Chronicle of my efforts to 'get the hate out.' Warning: If you love snobby neighbors, NYT bestselling debut novelists, loud cell phone talkers, social butterflies, scary doctors, bratty kids on airplanes, this memoir will OFFEND YOU with its OBNOXIOUS DENUNCIATIONS AND CONSTANT CURSING. Don't say I didn't warn you."

  28. 4 out of 5

    Kate

    The writing is good and it hangs together pretty well, which makes up for the intermittent tediousness. This is the story of Frankel's attitude change after learning that she has had cancer, and is likely to have cancer again. She writes that she has been quietly resentful -- a "closet hater" -- for most of her life, and is now ready to be more honest with the world. It's sometimes funny, and rings true in a lot of places, but it's also...really mundane. The author is no everywoman -- her career The writing is good and it hangs together pretty well, which makes up for the intermittent tediousness. This is the story of Frankel's attitude change after learning that she has had cancer, and is likely to have cancer again. She writes that she has been quietly resentful -- a "closet hater" -- for most of her life, and is now ready to be more honest with the world. It's sometimes funny, and rings true in a lot of places, but it's also...really mundane. The author is no everywoman -- her career is more interesting than normal, but some of her complaints are far less interesting. We read about the myriad sins of her neighbors, former friends, and network of colleagues. After a while, it starts to feel like one of those essays people write to get something off their chest, and then wisely throw away when they feel sufficiently unburdened. Except she didn't throw it away, she published it. Still, the book is largely saved by good wordsmithing and a clear arc. Worth a skim. And perhaps it's more relatable if you live in New York and work in publishing.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Jessica Medved

    I apparently missed the word "Memoir" on the cover of this book. So I went into it expecting a chick-lit and chick-lit it was not! I was impressed by the frank writing of Frankel (no pun intended) and found myself relating to a lot of the things she wrote about. From being an always chubby individual to quietly seething hatred for those with that snobby, mightier than thou attitudes. Her humor of everyday frustrating situations makes it very relatable and enjoyable. There were parts of the memoi I apparently missed the word "Memoir" on the cover of this book. So I went into it expecting a chick-lit and chick-lit it was not! I was impressed by the frank writing of Frankel (no pun intended) and found myself relating to a lot of the things she wrote about. From being an always chubby individual to quietly seething hatred for those with that snobby, mightier than thou attitudes. Her humor of everyday frustrating situations makes it very relatable and enjoyable. There were parts of the memoir that were very unrelatable and seemed a touch too whiny (which she addresses in the memoir) which is why I rated it a 4 out of 5 stars but overall it was a good read. The memoir ends, like so many do, with lessons learned and really what she hopes you get out of the memoir, or at the very least what she got out of it. But it is an impactful story of an everyday woman dealing with hating a few too many people and working her way through all that hate.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Ria Solis

    i found the author hilarious, honest, and brave on sharing this memoir. There has been a lot of whining, hate, jealousy, and impatience which were all real and relatable-that's the charm of this book. There was nothing extraordinary about the author's account, as any of those experiences she had can happen to any one, be it a writer or not. Her wit and humor made it a fun read. (It was inspiring to write my own memoir and see how mean i could get). There were a few grammar/spelling misses though i found the author hilarious, honest, and brave on sharing this memoir. There has been a lot of whining, hate, jealousy, and impatience which were all real and relatable-that's the charm of this book. There was nothing extraordinary about the author's account, as any of those experiences she had can happen to any one, be it a writer or not. Her wit and humor made it a fun read. (It was inspiring to write my own memoir and see how mean i could get). There were a few grammar/spelling misses though, which seems overlooked during editing, or maybe deliberate on the part of the author and the publisher to make it sound truthful. since the author is a professional writer, I do not see the need for it. Overall i would recommend this book for light and fun reading. I have also become interested to read her other books, if she is this funny.

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